Post workout. Nailed it.

Post workout. Nailed it.

This is what I see everytime I hit the floor to train. And it stokes me.

This is what I see everytime I hit the floor to train. And it stokes me.

Every day I wake up I’m that much closer to my goals. Tomorrow I start training full time again and I’m stoked on that. #goodlife #training #fitness #mustbench365

Every day I wake up I’m that much closer to my goals. Tomorrow I start training full time again and I’m stoked on that. #goodlife #training #fitness #mustbench365

Big back and bicep workout today. Rack pulled 405lbs completely raw.

Big back and bicep workout today. Rack pulled 405lbs completely raw.

Look good feel good. Last time I was 195lbs I had a pretty big gut haha. Stoked on how I’m looking.

Look good feel good. Last time I was 195lbs I had a pretty big gut haha. Stoked on how I’m looking.

Hammered a 275lbs squat today. Felt good gettin back in the swing of it. #getsome #legday #bodybuilding #double #theman #goodlife

Hammered a workout with @hon joward today. Legs and biceps was deadly.

Hammered a workout with @hon joward today. Legs and biceps was deadly.

Me on the left. Joey from shredz on the right. Where I am and where I want to be. Size matters, got work to do.

Me on the left. Joey from shredz on the right. Where I am and where I want to be. Size matters, got work to do.

Tomorrow I’m going to train harder than I’ve trained lately. Big weights, big sets, tons of pump.

Tomorrow I’m going to train harder than I’ve trained lately. Big weights, big sets, tons of pump.

Gettin to lookin good. #bodybuilding #batman #fitness #stoked #beard #tattoos #rumspringer #cheddarcheesechangals

Gettin to lookin good. #bodybuilding #batman #fitness #stoked #beard #tattoos #rumspringer #cheddarcheesechangals

2 notes

My midnight snack vs yours.

My midnight snack vs yours.

Don’t need to flex when you’re a fucking monster. Hahahaha. Midnight lift session success.

Don’t need to flex when you’re a fucking monster. Hahahaha. Midnight lift session success.

Just fucking let me die.

No sleep again last night. But I decided to hit the gym. It’s helping less and less. So strong physically yet so weak emotionally.

No sleep again last night. But I decided to hit the gym. It’s helping less and less. So strong physically yet so weak emotionally.

February 19th. Still feels the same.

It’s 4am and everything feels heavy except for my eyes. My heart is lead pumping poison into my veins I live in a fog that has consumed my brain. All I think about is you constantly reminded of everything you said we’d do. Being together for ever we had some plans me and you. And now it’s just me and I can’t remember how to stand my crutch is a splintered stick I hold with one hand. When I put my weight on it it slowly cracks just a little more. Everytime I think I can’t get any further you beat me down again and again I’m gonna end up on my face I’m gonna end up dead. I can feel this killing me first emotionally moving to mentally after that it’s the physical manifestation of this pain that I can’t escape or push off my chest. No matter how hard I push or breath no matter how hard I struggle and how many people are there to help. It’s just getting heavier and heavier I feel my ribs giving way. All I ever wanted was for you to keep all the promises you made me. But you can’t even be honest when you tell me you love me. I can see in your eyes I wasn’t the dream you had for your life I just filled that gap between it all until I crumbled. Because your weight was over my capacity no matter how hard I fought you just pushed down more ontop. If I give you the knife do you think you could slit my throat? Cause I don’t know if I got it in me to end this all alone. Just do me this favour and help me release and finally just let go. Of the cliff I’ve been holding onto deciding if I should pull up or Jump off it’s a life or death decision and it’s really tough. I’m torn between my heart and my mind and I don’t believe theres any love left for my soul to find.